Today I decided I can't go back to school tomorrow. I started thinking about it and suddenly I went into a panic attack. I'm so afraid right now. I'm scared I'll never be normal again.

I just sit around all the day long, listening to Neon Ballroom, and thinking about how I wish I knew Daniel Johns because then at least I'd have someone to talk to who's gone through this. But then I realize that that's kind of a pipe dream and I feel lonely again.

I guess the anti-depressants are working, in a way, but I still get down in my mood all the time. What happened to the times when I could just laugh with Megan and Sarah? What happened to my childhood?

Mom's getting married. I found this out by "accidentally" finding one of her old emails. She hasn't even bothered to tell me about it. I think that it's really something her children should know about. But that's Mom for you; acting selfish once again. I think she's just scared it'll be like last time. She's afraid that we won't like Mike, because that contributed a lot to what happened with her and Dave. But not telling us what's going on isn't making me like him any more. It's making me like her less.

For years, it's been just us three. You can't just go and change that because you feel like it, at least not without telling us. I wonder how long she's going to wait to tell us. Fuck, she waited until today to tell me he's coming here for good on Monday. Nice adjustment period, huh?

I don't know though. I've got to work all this shit out and get back into the real world. Because right now, I'm locked in my room, watching old Facts of Life reruns and I'm tired of everything in my life. Tootie's definitely getting on my nerves :)

So I guess that's about it for now.