Crazy, crazy, crazy. That's the way I feel right now. I read my journal from last week to relive the whole Joey thing and now... I'm insane.

Mom was talking about Disney World and how we're going in two weeks. She said Chris told her he's pretty sure Joey and Autumn are going to be there. *Naw, that's not going to be awkward or anything...* (sarcasm dripping from voice). Mom couldn't understand why. She's like, "Why would it be awkward?" I just looked at her. Dude, I slept with my brother's roommate and now he's going on a family vacation with us... my sister knows everything that happened, Autumn knows something went on (I don't know how much Joey told her, but he did say she was like his best friend), and obviously Joey and I know what happened. So now, Chris is the only one oblivious to the whole thing.

I don't understand how you can ignore something as obvious as Joey and me. I mean, we were obviously flirting right in front of his face. He even told us to stop! So he had to know something was going on. But, he obviously didn't think it was anything too serious, since he left us ALONE in the room all day. I don't know. Should I feel like I betrayed his trust? I don't want to hurt him. That's the last thing that I would want to happen. But anyway... what happened happened and I guess I have to deal with however Joey wants to act around me.

I was watching "The Next Best Thing" with Madonna last night and she changes her eating habits when she gets pregnant and all I could think about was how hungry I've been lately. But I keep telling myself it's probably nothing, and that keeps me stable for now. You know what, though? I probably wouldn't change the way anything happened. I'm not really proud of it, but I'm, by far, not ashamed. In fact, I can't stop thinking about Joey and what'll happen if he goes to Orlando...

And now, all this shit with Bryan has to go and happen. I guess he told Vicki on Friday to bring me up to McDonald's where he was working. So I guess he wanted to see me. But I'm not sure how I feel about that anymore. I'm actually kind of glad he has such a bad track record with relationships. Because now I can just deal with Bryan as Bryan and not as a potential boyfriend. I don't need a boyfriend right now. Hell, I don't even want one...

My life is complicated right now. And amazingly, I'm doing okay with it. I have my days, but all in all, my mood is up. But I'm still terrified. That's all I could think about last night. What if...?