Since You

*******************************

My will breaks faster than your promises did.

I tell myself not to remember.

But the memories creep up on me,

And rob me of my happiness.

The happiness that I've worked so hard to include in my life,

Since you.

Then I sit in my sadness.

My memories settle in for the long haul,

And I know,

It'll be another long day.

*******************************

I try to live my life,

Since you.

I try to live the life that would make you jealous.

But I just end up feeling dirty and fake.

And I'm still empty,

Despite all the things that surround me.

*******************************

It's kind of funny,

How all the same compliments and courtesies,

Just seem kind of empty these days.

I feel jaded and disenchanted,

Like nothing and nobody could ever fill this void,

That is deepening inside of me,

Since you.

*******************************

It's not the same kind of pain it used to be.

It's not yearning and it's not self-doubt.

It's not the crushing, leveling blow that I did have.

It's been getting slowly better but I always have to catch myself.

I stare out a window and think of the things I used to feel.

And I wish I could feel them again.

*******************************

But I know that I'll never be in love for the first time again.

I'll never feel the soft breeze and think of your touch.

And the mound that lives in my stomach reminds me of that.

It reminds me that I promised myself I wouldn't be like this.

It reminds me that if it were someone else in this place...

But it's not.

It's me.

And my promises break faster than we did.

Since you.