I don't know what it was about last night. It was like I was trapped in a cocoon of memories and it was almost suffocating me. I don't like being that out of control. I want to have control in every aspect in my life. But last night I didn't.

I finally went to sleep at about eleven. And then I slept until ten this morning.

I have to call Vicki. I have to get out of here tonight. If I stay here tonight, it'll be just like last night and I know it. I want to go to Vicki's and hang out with her and Mel and not feel so alone.

Okay, now it's time to praise Mel. I didn't really get to know Mel until a few months ago. I had met her, but I really didn't know what to think. She's definitely different. But the thing is, I think we're a lot alike. We both hate New Found Glory. We both find guilty pleasure in hip-hop/rap music. We're both outgoing crazy people a lot of the time. And I think I bring that part out in her, because Vicki is constantly accusing me of making her crazy. But she's cool. She's on my hip, hip chick list. So, yeah, I want to hang out with Vicki and Mel today. Cause a little mischief like we did on Saturday. Actually, like I did on Saturday. They were more like witnesses to my craziness.

Anyway, I don't want to be in this ugly place tonight. I don't want to sit around all night on the computer, alone, typing out my lonliness. So, I'm gonna get out of there. I need to get out of here. Dad's coming over after he gets off of work and we're going to take my book back and I'll probably eat over there. I want a chili dog from A&W. They have the best chili dogs.

I remember how we used to go to A&W all the time, back when we had the station wagon. We'd sit in the back with the seat down and order the same thing every week. It got to the point where we'd just have to say, "I'll have the usual," and Dad would order our food. He never took for granted that we wouldn't change our minds though. He'd always ask. Always. That's special to me.

"Elderly Woman..." is on the radio right now. I remember when I used to sneak into Chris and Paul's room when they were gone and listen to Ten when I was 8. I thought they were the coolest band. I thought I was cool because while all my friends liked rap and r&b, I was starting to like grunge music. Man, that seems like forever ago. I remember when I borrowed Paul's VS. tape and listened to it over and over. Who would've thought I'd end up the huge Pearl Jam fan and he'd end up listening to John Fruciante's heroin years album?

Man, have I got memories. I've got enough great memories to last a lifetime. And I've got enough horrible memories to last six lifetimes.

I hate the weather right now. It's gray again. I don't function well when it's gray. Sometimes I don't function at all.

Well, I guess I'm going to go try and function.

"I remember the day when I was so eager to satisfy you." Nelly Frutado.