Why am I listening to Coldplay lately? I bought this album in Florida (during the whole "Joey Debacle") and I didn't really listen to it at all. Except I put "Yellow" on repeat on the plane home, as I slowly convinced myself that Joe was the one I was supposed to be with, as opposed to the rebound guy he actually was. And I almost cried. But then I got home and put him out of my mind and the CD on my shelf. So, why now?

I can't answer that. I'm assuming it's because I'm finally ready to move on. My heart has healed and I no longer consider guys I'm interested in as "rebound guys". That's a big step. And I'm glad I finally made it.

A few months ago, I made another attempt at listening to this album, but in all my cynicism, I considered it just another sappy love album. But I'm not a cynic about love anymore, at least not any more so than I was before my heart was damaged. And now, it's just a very fine piece of musical genius.

Ever since I started to listen to music on my own terms instead of just following whatever my brother listened to at the moment, you can pretty much tell what I'm feeling by the CD in my stereo. So what does Coldplay mean?

And I'm listening to it now. I just got finished watching High Fidelity with Vicki and for some reason, this album just seemed to fit. I'm sure I'm doing the guys in the movie no justice, but this is my attempt at listening to underappreciated British pop music. I'm sure I'm failing miserably, but I don't really care, because this is a damn good album.

Yellow is playing and it doesn't remind me of Joey, surprisingly. I suppose this is mostly because he was four days of my life. But it was four days that signaled the beginning of the end of the worst period in my life. Maybe I shouldn't have done what I did with Joey. Maybe my heart wasn't ready to do that with a man I hardly had any knowledge of before I took that trip. Maybe in later years, I'll be having a moment of retrospect and I'll regrett ever doing it. But as I explained to Dave four months after the fact, he called me beautiful and when you don't feel very beautiful, that's a very powerful thing. I just hope that memory carries itself into my retrospection.

A little update in my life: I'm going to Ozzfest with Chef Matt. I don't know how this presented itself to me, but apparently, he wants me to go with him. I just wonder if he knows how old I am. And if he does, why can't Sexy Eyebrow Ring Man overlook it as much as Chef Matt is? I'm not really all that excited about it either. Maybe that's because I don't think I could ever do anything with Matt at all. As far as I'm concerned, this is just a free concert. I hope that to Matt, this is just some kid willing to go with him to the free concert, because if not, he's setting himself up for something he won't have. Maybe I'm just being stuck-up in assuming that he thinks of me as anything but a kid. If so, I'm sorry in advance.

I'm pretty tired. I think I'm going to sleep now.

"So I look in your direction, but you pay me no attention. And you know how much I need you, but you never even see me." Shiver by Coldplay