This is something I wrote after re-reading the article on Bryan Deneke I have.

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I realized something today. I'm not mentally equipped to handle a society that values judgements that are made based solely on looks, however garish or unorthodox they may be. I don't understand in my heart why I must live out my life explaining to people why my hair is blue and pink or why I have a lip ring or why I listen to a band called Lars Frederiksen and the Bastards.

I live out my life, everyday with people staring at me, questioning my lifestyle, calling it a phase. But what they don't understand is that it's in me, locked in my heart more deeply than anything I've ever felt before. I can no more control the gravitational pull this lifestyle had on me than I can control whether I'm gay or straight or like pink or green or what my favorite food is. I don't know when it became this deep-seeded in me, but I do know that I've tried to get out and lived a fairly void and lacking life in that period of time. As soon as I got back to my roots, I realized that this is me. This is who I am.

The general public cannot understand how a type of music can affect you as much as I described in the above paragraph. But I suppose that's why it's so shocking to them. You fear what you don't know, right? But I fear for them. I can't understand how a life can be complete without feeling all of the things I feel about a concept as simple as music. Fortunately though, unlike them, I've realized that people all live their lives in different ways and I cannot change the way they live theirs; I can only learn from it.

Prejudice runs rampant through our society; everyone thinks they've got the right idea. But there are so many ideas out there that I've come to the conclusion that there is no one right idea, only what's right for you. Unfortunately, not everyone was brought up to have this point of view, so we are forced to deal with prejudice on a daily basis for a shirt, or a jacket, or a piece of jewelry, or a haircut.

In the end, I'll look back in my life and wonder if it was worth all the hurt feelings I've suffered and will continue to suffer. But I already know the answer. Yes. To me, life is't worth living without belonging to the lifestyle that claimed me at the tender age of 14. No. That's wrong. It's not even like I have the choice. It's who I am and I CANNOT pretend to be somebody I'm not.

And I will carry with me the idea that although these people made fun of me, they will live in ignorance for far longer than their words affect me, and that's worse than any insult in the world. After all, it IS just a haircut. It IS just a shirt. It IS just a piece of jewelry. And if they can't see past the negative stigma, then they lead a far sorrier life than any tormenting could ever produce.

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I'm an angry young kid when provoked, and unfortunately, the way I look causes many people to provoke me.

On a lighter note, Warped Tour is in less than 12 hours and my pre-concert insomnia has officially taken over. Everytime I start to feel tired, my mind drifts back to the fact that in less than 12 hours, I will being seeing my three favorite bands playing live in front of me. And then I freak out and get all excited.

I'll probably write down what I felt about the show after I get home and I'll transfer it into here on Monday.

Sleep is something my mind will not let me have. But I'm listening to DKM and I'm all right.