I don't know what to say, as it has all already been said. I guess the best thing would be to write what I'm feeling, maybe try to make some sense of the jumble of shit rolling around in my head.

Last night, I was lucky enough to be around Jared. He realized what all of this was doing to me and he put in Chasing Amy and an hour into it, I finally fell asleep. It was two in the morning. I did have school today. So when I awoke on his couch at 7:00 a.m., I called my mom and told her I wasn't going to school. Luckily, she understood and called me off.

I guess one of the first things I felt and still do feel is anger. The people who died had nothing to do with the conflict between the terrorist groups and the United States government. In fact, I'm willing to bet most of them couldn't even name a terrorist for a million dollars. And now, because they went to work yesterday, they're gone. Erased from this planet by inhuman monsters, who claim to do it for religious reasons. I do not care what religion you are. No God could condone the senseless massecre of hundreds, possibly thousands of people.

Confusion. How? Why? What? When? Where? All of the questions I'm supposed to ask as a journalist are rushing forward, but no one has the answer. How could there be a security lapse this great? Why would they do such a thing? What do we do to get them back? When will this all be over? Where do we go from here?

Sadness. A part of my heart is gone. A part of me will be hardened forever. I think a part of everyone will be hardened forever. It's such a shame that it took a massecre such as this one to unite our country as it has been. I cried when they stood on the steps of the Capitol and sang "God Bless America". I just closed my eyes and cried.

Terror. Yesterday, we were watching the coverage and we were just wondering what would happen next. Where would they hit next. Who would die next. And I don't think this is the end. If we don't act now, then we could be repeating this scene soon. And I'm scared to be here. This made me feel unsafe in my own country.

Helplessness. I want to do something. I want to help. I want to fix what's happened in some little way, and yet... this cannot be undone. The damage cannot be cleared by me while I sit in Michigan and it can never be cleared from our minds. Everyone will always remember where they were when they heard about this. Everyone will always remember the images of the planes hitting the WTC.

My life and the life of this nation has been changed forever. This is something I wrote last night, as I was watching all of the news coverage.

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Life changed for me today.

And yet, I'm too numb to realize the impact.

It will slowly sink in.

But life will never be the same.

Terror plucked a string in my heart,

That had never been played before today.

We will always remember where we were,

This day. That hour.

The minute we realized what we were facing.

Not an accident.

Not a crash.

But a calculated,

Premeditated,

Mass murder.

And they're proud.

How can you celebrate about so much destruction?

It's inhuman.

Monsterous.

And it's what they were bred to believe.

She said to kill those who celebrated.

But I say let them watch what their lives become,

As we band together,

One nation, under God.

They were bred to believe in hate.

We were bred to believe in freedom.

And we will band together to protect our right,

To feel free,

To feel safe in our own home.

We will band together to fight the evil that ravaged our country.

We will fight to feel safe,

And we will fight to avenge these murders.

Life has changed for me.

And I'm too numb yet to realize,

How much different life will be,

After September 11, 2001.

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I hope everyone out there in Diaryland is safe and their loved ones are safe.

"And somehow we all feel that just giving blood isn't really enough. I want to give my soul." -Lefty