Mikey said he watched the news for ten hours straight yesterday. He said that he gets home from work and just watches it until four in the morning. And I knew exactly what he meant. I'm hung on every word out of Peter Jenning's or Tom Brokaw's mouth. It's not like I desperately want to see it, it's that I desperately can't turn it off.

I finally got back to life today. I went to school and work. Tisha hung this picture up which was in the paper today. It showed a red, white, and blue ribbon and said something about uniting and praying. I gave her a big hug when I saw that.

I feel as if I'm going through the stages of grief day by day now. Day one was denial. This didn't happen. This is just a movie. This can't happen here. I'm not watching this, because this is America and stuff like this doesn't happen here. Day two was anger. Fuck the bastards who did this. Kill them. Blow the whole fucking country up. Who the fuck cares who dies? Look at everyone they killed, the fucks. Day three is sadness. It's just gone. Everyone and everything in the area, including the strong and brave men and women trying to save people are just gone.

I wonder what tomorrow will be.

Some woman came into Stanley's and said that we should send everyone of Arabic decent out of America. "We give them money to open businesses and look what they do to us," was her words. I wanted to tell her to go fuck herself, that if that's what she wanted, then she can go home and never come back to Stanley's because Jack, the owner, is Arabic. You know what he said in his first phone call to Tisha after this happened? "We will beat them. Don't you worry. We will get whoever did this." It doesn't matter what he looks like or what he sounds like. He's American, just like the rest of us.

Everyone is so angry. Everyone is so scared. Everyone is so confused. Who... what kind of monster would do this?

I'm emotionally exhausted. I just want to wake up tomorrow and have it be Monday so I can get a break from everything. But I can't. No one can. We just can't. This did happen, the people did die, everything is gone. It's just gone.

God, please watch over all of the victims of this tragedy and watch over everyone who is trying to help them.

I just wish I could do more. I wish I could go give everything I have to try and pull people out of that. I'm willing to go there and die for the chance that one of these missing people with families might be saved. Everyone in the country is willing to do that right now. We're all American's right now.

But all we can do is wait. And that's the worst thing, because it ends up being a game between you and your brain and your brain always wins because it never stops moving. It never stops reminding you of the scenes you saw, of the destruction that is out there even though you can't see it. It never stops.

All we can do is wait.