He read my last entry.

The one person who I never want to hurt for anything in the world read the one thing that would hurt him the most.

And he thinks I'm still in love with Dave.

I told him I was insulted by that. I don't think he understands why. It took me so long to actually NOT be in love with him that it angers me that he would think that I'm not strong enough to be over it.

I don't know though. Why do I still hold onto it? I've found everything I ever wanted in him and it's still not enough?

Will it ever be enough?

Will anything ever be enough?

And I don't think that it will. I think I have this problem where I MUST find something cracked out and horrible with my life no matter what's going on. And I hate that part of me. Why can't I just be normal?

I think he thinks that I'm not in love with him, which is the craziest thing I've ever heard of. Nobody has ever made me as happy as he does. He makes me believe in things I never thought I'd be able to believe in again. He makes me believe in love. He makes me believe that it's possible to care about another human being more than yourself. It's possible to envision a future and not be so scared shitless that it won't come true that you can't go through with it.

I really think he's THE ONE for me. And yeah, it's scary. How could it not be? After a month and a half, suddenly, I think I've got my future mapped out. That's a lot to ask from somebody. Two months ago, I had no clue what I was going to do with my life. But now... I know.

I want to be with him. Period. That's what I want to do with my life. I don't know what I'll do for a living, I don't know what I'll do for school, or for fun, or who else I'll be around, but as long as he lets me, I'm going to be with him.

And I don't think like this. This is not something I'd normally do. I don't put that much into something that's not for sure. Into something I don't have any control over. But this is the only thing that feels right. Nothing else in my life feels sure anymore, but "US" is for sure.

He makes me feel like I need to be here. He makes me feel important, like if the whole world crashed down around me, I'd still be standing, just to make sure he's okay. I want to be there for him, I want to take care of him. And I don't want to take care of anybody.

I love him. That's for sure. I'm going to be with him for as long as he lets me. That's for sure.

Unfortunately, that's pretty much the only thing that's for sure lately.