It's not going so well right now, with Fatty and me.

We've been fighting lately. Not major fight, just petty, I-want-to=be-alone-right-now fights and it's getting to the point that I feel very tense around him.

It's been stressful lately, our lives, what's going on, so some of it is understandable.

But he says I don't open up to him like I used to. And I don't really think that's the case. And in order to fix something, you need to acknowledge that it's really the problem, right? But I don't think that I'm more closed off than I've ever been. I think that I just may seem like it, because the stuff I am thinking about is all the same shit we've talked about and been through and I just don't want to go through it again... fuck, I don't know.

Honestly, there's one thought that keeps running through my mind. Seven months after Dave and I got together, we started fighting all the time and then he decided that he wanted to go on "the break". And Fatty and I have been together for almost six months. Part of me is afraid that he'll want to break up with me.

But another part of me is afraid that something is wrong with me.

Is there something fundamentally wrong with me, to where I just don't want to be around people?

Blah, I don't know.

But he just came downstairs and saw I was writing on here and now he's probably going to read this.

I don't know. Why am I feeling all crappy all of a sudden? Why do I, just in the last two minutes, suddenly feel like crying?

I know my hormones are all fucked up, but come on. Cut me some slack here. I've cried enough in the last two weeks. I could use a fun day.

That reminds me. I MUST call Vicki tomorrow. Because we're going to go do something cheap and lame, like we used to do. I'll probably go over to her house and we'll like rent a video or something and hang out all night, eating Cheez-Its and drinking Coke. Those were the days. Maybe it'll happen again.

I never realized how much I missed her until I'm about to hang out with her again.

I miss all my friends. Sarah's gone camping with her brother and her boyfriend all weekend so I can't call her. But maybe I'll call Heather. I haven't talked to her in so long.

It's funny. I always make these plans and then I never get around to doing them.

I want to go camping. We talked about going on 4th of July weekend, but then Paul decided to come into town and Kristin decided she'd rather hang out with him ("Paul told her not to go camping with you guys," is what my mom said), and it just never came together anyway, so now we're not going to.

Besides, I'm going to the fireworks with Vicki this year. It's a tradition I'm not willing to break.

But I'm going to go now, because I've been on here for almost three hours and I'm tired of it.

Bah. I'm tired of a lot of things today.