I talked to Jared today for the first time in like six months. It was weird. Like we kept bringing up stuff that we used to talk about all the time. But I stayed away from bringing up the fact that we haven't talked in six months. It was right there, everytime he brought something up, like about his bottles or the anal rape thing... these are all things I forgot about awhile ago, and while it was good to remember them, at the same time I had to remember why I forgot them. I had to remember that I used to have a huge crush on him and that when I told him, it made things completely awkward and impossible for us. I had to remember how crappy it felt to be rejected a third time in a row. I had to remember how horribly I interpreted his feelings. And I had to remember how dumb and young I felt after he told me why he didn't like me. I also had to remember the awkward, strained conversations we had after I started dating Brian, because I didn't want to mention that I was happy with someone and I didn't have anything else to talk about but that. Maybe I didn't want to make him feel bad. Or maybe I was afraid he'd make me feel bad about being happy. I don't know.

But either way, despite the initial awkwardness, it was good. I missed him and I missed talking to him. I missed the sarcasm. You don't find real, true, great sarcasm many places these days. And he's always good for that.

And tonight is going to be fun, because I'm going to hang out with Sarah and everyone. And I was just talking to Cory and I think we might hang out before we go bowling with Sarah.

I missed all my friends. And I'm glad I'm hanging out with them.