So yeah. I was okay this morning, actually felt productive, because although I didn't clean my house like I planned to, I did go out to lunch with my mom, and at least that's something. Then I had to go to work, and Kristen had to pick me up for it, which makes me feel like shit, like I'm leaching off of everyone because I can't drive and should be able to, but whatever. I don't know. I guess we're all just fuck ups there, so it doesn't really matter.
But I got to work and felt like shit, because it sucks being a burden on people all the time and I decided that I really just gotta do it. Not that I didn't plan on it, it just never felt like the right time. But I'm fed up with being stuck in one place and relying on everyone for rides and shit and I just gotta get down to it and deal with it.
I don't know. I guess winter's just got me down, like always, like forever. And the thing is, I was fine. I really was, this morning, but I got to work and it was just like, "Man, my life sucks." And it doesn't, it just felt like it at the time and everyone tries to make me feel better and that's gotta mean something.
I mean, if people actually go out of their way to make you feel better, than you've got to be worth something, right? I just wish I was in school, and could drive there, and then it would all be cool. I wouldn't feel like I was wasting my life away, watching TV all day, doing nothing. And the fact that I want to go to school's gotta mean something. At least I want to go. So many kids are just like, "No, I put in my 12 years, I'm done." But I feel like a big loser because I'm not in school, because that was always that, you know? I always wanted to go to college and it was supposed to get better from there. And now there's this THING that's stopping me, and I could fix it, I'm just too much of a chicken shit to do anything about it. But not anymore. I gotta do it. I gotta stop feeling like a loser.
So that's the deal. That's my New Year's Resolution. To get my license, and go to college. We'll see if it happens.