So, once again I'm sitting at home while the rest of the world lives their lives. I hate this. My biggest fear is alienation and it's making me feeling alienated.

I need someone to talk to. Somebody out there who understands, or at least pretends to. I'm so tired right now. I'm supposed to do my homework today. That's what I promised mom. But then again, when the fuck has she ever done anything she promised me?

I think I'll work on my story today. It's the only thing that makes me happy anymore. I can control what happens 100%. That's all that matters to me anymore; control.

I used to have Dave, now I have no one. I'm so lonely. There used to be someone there who understood me, at least to a point. And then he had to become a fucking asshole and I had to become a fucking nutcase. Fuck him and fuck Sean.

Dad called yesterday. He asked me how I was doing. I faked it for awhile, just so he doesn't know just how dire the situation has gotten. Then he asked me if I was still depressed and I had to answer yes, because lying about that shit isn't worth the effort anymore. So then he said when I feel up to it, he'd come and get me and we'd do something that he thought would make me feel better. He was real cryptic about it. All he kept saying was, I think this will make you feel better. You gotta love him for trying. But unless he's planning on giving me a full lobotomy, chances are, his plan won't work.

He thinks I need a guy, like he can pick some guy up off the street and he'll replace Dave. Me and Dave were together for nine months. He was my first everything. You don't replace that with some dumb fuck who works as a welder. I'm not like Dad. When he divorced mom, he was automatically looking for another woman to be with. I haven't even gotten over David. I still can't watch fucking TV on Tuesday nights without crying. Does he really think I want another guy?

I don't even know if I want to go to Florida. Either way, I'm gonna have to fake it for a weekend, because Chris is expecting me to be the same old sister I always was, and if I don't go, T.T. is expecting me to be the same old bitch I always was. But I don't have the energy to do either. I'm tired of faking it. I'm just tired in general.