Oh boy. My dad had me crying today... he started in on his lecture mode, telling me I had to get out of all of this shit. What am I supposed to do? Slap him across the face and tell him to shut the fuck up? He's been through it before. And I know that as soon as I get out of this, I'll realize everything he says is right. But for now... everything is clouded. Clouded by my depression.

Ah. I just took all three of my pills. I feel like that one character on SNL played by Cheri Oteri, that one old lady who always has like 40 bottles of pills on her. Yeah, that's me. On three pills just so I'm not in a fucking depression enduced coma anymore.

The anxiety medication seems to be finally working. I went to the dentist today and got my teeth cleaned. I was sitting in the chair, talking to the woman who was cleaning my teeth, then to Dr. Eder, and I didn't even think about being nervous. It didn't even cross my mind. That's what I want for all the time. Hopefully, that time is coming.

And the Zoloft is kind of working. After all, I just said the word "hopefully". I wouldn't have said that a month ago.

I still don't know if I want to go to Florida. I better make that decision soon though. I've only got three days to go.

I'm very alone and very aware of the silence right now. I feel like it's kind of boxing me in. I'm going to put on Neon Ballroom and feel like I'm not a freak for awhile.