There are two types of people in this world.
The first type is the type who takes the pain they're feeling and uses it to fuel a large bucket-o-anger in their stomach and then when the bucket overflows, they take their black boots and shove it down the nearest person's throat, all the while humming "Idoless" by the Distillers. That's which type I am, a regular bitter, bitchy type of gal.
Then there's people who listen to emo.
Unfortunately for us type one people out there, there have recently been a rash of reported side-jumpers who have decided that being bitter takes up too much of their energy, so they went out and bought the newest New Found Glory CD and joined the type two bandwagon. "That is soooo emo," G.C., my anti-emo newspaper buddy.
The worst type of emo fan is the emo fan in denial. Oh yes, we've all experienced the, "I don't JUST listen to emo, I like Rancid and AFI, too," claims of the in-denial emo fan. A sad, sad state of affairs.
Look, be whiny and lame if you want. That's your choice. Just be proud of being whiny and lame, that's all I ask. Hell, I'm proud of being bitter and bitchy; I shout it from the rooftops daily. "Yes, Michigan, I'm a bitter, crazed, psycho-bitch. GOT A FUCKING PROBLEM WITH THAT?"
Damn major label record companies for signing emo bands. Now that they're accessable to the masses, we have to listen to the incessant whining of guys who got dissed by their girlfriends and are lonely and want them back so they can be happy again coming from not only the CD players of emo fans, but also, from the radio, from TV, and from many soon to come movie soundtracks.
Yes, it's Rachel's latest theory. Emo is ruining the country. Remember back in the day, when grunge music got all big and there was a rash of suicidal teens? I can forecast emo music doing the same, except instead of killing themselves over lack of purpose in their lives, they'll be jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge because their girl/boy friend just dumped them and they don't want to be lonely anymore. Suddenly, Nirvana and Alice in Chains won't be the voice of youth today; it'll be New Found Glory and Sunny Day Real Estate.
"Have I waited too long? Have I found that someone?" Honestly, I wonder how long it took them to write those lyrics. If it was over 5 minutes, it was three minutes too long.
Bitter people of the world unite: Stop the emo craze before it kills all of our loved ones.
**************************************************
***DISCLAIMER***
I was emotionally harmed by an emo fan. Sensitive, my ass. Anyway, since then, even the mention of the word "emo" make me want to vomit up my recently (or not so recently) consumed KFC Colonel's Crispy Strips Meal. This whole rant is probably coming from the same place that made me write 84 hateful songs about the aforementioned emo fan.
"That is soooo emo."