I saw Jesse today at work. Crystal's Jesse. Buy pot from a narc and go to jail Jesse. Wear an electronic homing device as part of his probation Jesse. He came into Stanley's and we were chatting a bit. He asked me if I knew his sister. I asked who his sister was. He said Savannah.
What could I say? "Oh, the whore?" I'm sure that would go over well with her big brother. So, I just said, calmly, "Yeah. I know her." I was very proud of myself. I figured I could just leave it at that. Let it go. Let it leave my mind (ha. Like that would happen). But no. The next sentence out of Jesse's mouth was, "So, you know Dave and Sean right?"
MY GOD! What is this? Dredge up every emotional memory Rachel owns day? How come every time I start to feel like it could be a good day, something somewhere has to remind me of him?
But I dealt with it well. I said, "Yeah, actually Dave is my ex. But I tend not to call him Dave." I figured, hell, if I'm gonna talk about him, I'm gonna get at least one Dickface reference in there. So Jesse asked me what I did call him. To which I replied, "I usually refer to him as Dickface." Jesse laughed. Then he said Savannah told him Dickface was well-equipped. Okay. I gave him that. I said, "Yeah, he's pretty big." HA! Jesse, yes, I know this because your sister's boyfriend is a whore.
Anyway, then Jesse told me he thought Dave was "snooty". I laughed, but I had to agree. He's very... picky. And he wonders why people think he's gay.
All in all, I think I handled the situation very calmly and I am satified with my actions. I didn't call him any bad names, and I even gave him a good recommendation, telling Jesse that he did indeed treat me well, until the end. But I know now that that's as much my fault as his. It just collapsed under the weight of my need and my depression. He couldn't handle it and I couldn't take it back.
I just wonder, will there ever come a time that I will be able to look back at him and not call him Dickface? Will I ever forgive the actions he took? I don't know. I really don't know.