I saw him today. If you've been reading my diary, I assume you know who him is. He's the only person in the world I don't like referring to by name. My ex. Dickface.

He came into Stanley's while I was working. He was with her. I saw them there and I was debating whether or not I was going to walk away and pretend like I had better things to do. But, I didn't. I took a deep breath and walked up to the counter. He looked at me and said hi. I told him hi. He asked how I was doing and I said good. I asked him and he said good. I said, "Hey, you graduated didn't you?" And he said yeah and I congratulated him. Then she cashed her check and they left. He said, "See ya later." I said yeah. And they were gone.

Trish asked if that was him. I said yeah. She asked if the girl with him was his girlfriend, and I nodded. She just said, "Uh huh." I was like, "Everyone says I'm prettier than her." She nodded emphatically. At least I have that.

Nine months together and this is what it's come to. Nine months of being together in everyway possible, every day, and this is what it's come to. A few awkward sentences and we pretend like it's all okay. But it's not. It's not and I know it won't ever be. Because no matter how many times he says, "See ya later," he won't. At least not on purpose. I can't ever see us as friends again. Maybe, years from now, we'll run into each other, but right now, that's light years away.

I had two things going for me. Last night, I bleached my hair and it looks a lot better than I assumed it would. And I was wearing a tight tank-top and a bra that makes my chest look a lot bigger than it really is. I had makeup on and I looked good. As opposed to when Angel came up to Stanley's, when I had rolled out of bed that morning and hurried to work. It makes me feel good, knowing that he might look at me, and then look at her and be like, "I left that (looking at me) for THIS (looking at her)?!?" Even if he doesn't, at least he won't think, "Fuck, that's why I broke up with her."

The second thing was, he isn't cute anymore. I looked at him and after he left I asked T.T., "Was he always that ugly?" She laughed and nodded. Then she was like, "Seriously? Yeah, he was." I asked my mom the same thing and she said, "Yeah, he always did look kinda funky." And that's not the good kind of funky, as in young, hip, and funky. That the bad funky, as in the three month old cheddar in your fridge, that has furry white stuff growing over the furry green stuff on it. Whereas, Gretchen has to deal with her ex being all cute and stuff, I get none of that. All I get is a confused look on my face as I ponder why I EVER let myself fall into a deep emotionally pit over THAT.

I was proud of myself. He came, we chatted, and I talked about it for about five minutes. Then, I let it go. Just let it go. For once in my life, I was able to let it go. I didn't get upset. I didn't wish I could have him back (I stopped wishing that a long time ago). I just took it in, digested it, and let it go. Yay for me!

Then I went home and me and Vicki went up to McDonald's, where Stephanie works now. I was surprised to see her there, because I wasn't aware of the fact that she works there now, but we talked for awhile and agreed to be locker partners again this year. I don't know though. I might want my own locker. Oh well. Whatever. Sharing wasn't that bad. But either way, I'm gonna call her and we're gonna hang out someday.

After we left McDonald's, we drove around for hours, getting lost somewhere near Canton. We ended up on Michigan Ave. Then we hit 275 and took it all the way back to Sibley. Getting lost is fun. Especially when you have the radio playing all these great songs like Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC and Baby Got Back by Sir Mixalot. It was like taking a time warp back to 1990. Oh, to be 7 again. :) And yes, I was actually 7 in 1990.

And now I'm home. I get to go to sleep and then wake up and go to Stanley's. Eric's supposed to come over tomorrow, but we'll see about that. I have a feeling he'll weasel out of it somehow. Whatever.

"If I knew back then what I know now, that it would all turn out like this, I'd sit back and watch you squirm." The Way I Feel About You by Rancid