Bah!

Bah, I say!

Bah, humbug!

I wish I could be Scrooge. Because then I could just give away all my money and everyone would love me. But when you don't have any money to give away, you're just an incurable bitch.

I'm in an irritable mood today. It's the rain and the fact that I didn't talk to any of my friends today. I did see my dad though. And I gave him his Father's Day card. And my sister gave him the one I bought for her.

When he thanked her, I wanted to tell him that I was the thoughtful one, the one that was willing to shell out $2.50 for a card. But I let it slide, because I think he already knows I'm the thoughtful one. I'm the thoughtful sensitive one who lets her emotions get the best of her. Megan's the happy one. I'm the independent one. Megan's the follower. It doesn't make her any worse than me, just different and I know Dad loves us both the same. Just differently.

I know he thinks I'm making a mistake by letting Dave back into my life. Maybe I am. Dad was right about the whole "break" thing. He was right that I didn't deserve to be treated like a second-string girlfriend and I didn't deserve a boy who couldn't even tell me how he felt until six months after the fact. And I fought it as hard as I could. I tried to convince myself that Dad just didn't know Dave and that the situation wasn't what he thought it was.

And maybe he's right again. Maybe I am just setting myself up. Maybe I'll just fall in love with him again and wait in the wings like I did for two months at the end of our relationship. But I think I've learned my lesson. I'm not going to play the waiting game anymore. I'm moving on to bigger and better things. If he couldn't deal with me then, he sure as hell can't deal with me now.

But maybe my dad's right and I'm screwing myself emotionally. Either way, I've got to learn it by myself. People can tell you a million times the way things are, but until you live it yourself, you never know.

"First thing you learn, you gotta make it in this world alone." Timebomb by Rancid.