I walked my dog a little bit ago. We went for a walk just as it was getting dark. And the sky was the most beautiful color it ever is. At that point, I missed being young.

It's kind of funny. When you're 10, the only thing you want in the world is to be old enough to be taken seriously. But, then, I'm getting to be that age, and all I want is to play hopscotch and freeze tag. I was thinking about getting a skateboard. Mind you, I don't know how to skateboard, but it looks like fun. I just want the rest of my life to be like this. I don't want impending responsibility or the promise of my last year of high school looming on the horizon. I want to wake up tomorrow and be ready to start the fourth grade. I remember that summer, when I was 9. It was fun, filled with bikes and that kid Steve who lived near me and football and baseball and forts and clubs and rollerblades and climbing trees and simon says and all that other stuff that's long gone. I remember being 8 years old, breaking into the empty apartments near my house. We would pry the window open with a screwdriver and hoist my sister up into the open window and she would go around and unlock the front door for us. We didn't actually do anything in these apartments; just breaking in was excitement enough for us.

I think that all changed when my parents got divorced. Suddenly, we went from being normal, to being a single-parent home in which my brother was the Nazi-like ruler. Things were different. We were different. All of that wasn't enough anymore.

I just wish I could have a really good game of red rover or ghostman baseball. I think it would do wonders for my soul.

A few months ago, I talked about having late night baseball games and whatnot. This is what I'm talking about. I want to hang out and be a kid. I kind of feel like I got robbed of my last few childhood years when I was taking care of my sister at 12, making up for my absent mother.

I want one summer when I don't think about love or hate or school or boys or ex-best friends or cars or jobs or looking good or what THEY think or any of that stuff that runs through my head on a daily basis. I want all the stuff going through my mind right now to disappear, at least for a few days. And I want to go play basketball. And rollerblade. And ride my bike. And drink slushies. And play on playgrounds. I want it all back and I want all of that to fill my mind instead of the indecision and uncertainty that resides there now. I want my biggest problem to be the mosquito bite on my leg instead of probing my mind to figure out if I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend who broke my heart. I want it to all be okay.

"My own mind, my worst enemy, it will destroy me slowly." Neurotic by The Bouncing Souls