Tonight was a night to get things done. I worked today, a good day, I think. I was in good spirits most of the time. Then I got home and cleaned my living room and kitchen and did my laundry.

Then I put the stars on my ceiling. I've had them since... well, since before Dave and I broke up, so a long time. And now I finally put them up. I think I'm liking them. I was laying in bed earlier and I looked up and I could see them shining and it's very inspiring. Even if the clouds are outside, even if I can't see the real stars, the ones inside, the ones in my safehouse are always going to be there. At least until I move.

Mom is talking about moving. Instead of lowering the rent by $200 like they said they would've, they only lowered it $35. And we still have to pay the utilities. So she's looking for a house to rent in the area. Maybe we'll have a backyard. Even if it's small, I'd still like one. I don't get to be in Dad's near as much as I'd like to. In fact, I don't get to see Dad as much as I'd like to. But that's pretty much all on me. I should call him. I should go over there. I should do a lot of things I'm not doing right now.

Dave's 18th birthday/graduation party was today. I didn't go. I couldn't do it. I'm just not ready to see him with her yet. I know my mental limitations and I'm not ready to press them yet. It takes enough out of me just having to hear him talk about her. Seeing them together would level me in a way I'm not ready to deal with yet.

All the same, I still feel bad. I don't want him to think that I don't care enough about him to go. Quite the contrary, in fact. So I think I'll call him tomorrow and apologize and explain.

I was doing fine, you know? I was okay and then he decided to come back into my life. But that's what it is, isn't it? One challenge after another. After I sort this one out, I'll have my last year of school and friends and college and other boyfriends and work and all that other shit to deal with. One challenge after another. That way the bordem doesn't get to be too much.

I've got nothing else to say, except I'd like to thank Gretchen for supporting my addiction to Greg Attonito.