I finally decided to call Jared last night. I talked to him for a couple hours on the phone and then I went to his house at about 10:30.

I was feeling kooky, and I kept messing around with him. Then I started poking him. And it somehow turned into us wrestling for an hour and a half.

There was a point that he got me into a position that I couldn't move in and so I just laid down on his chest. And I stayed like that for like five minutes. And since we were supposed to be wrestling, he had his arms around me. I just lay there, listening to his heart beat.

And then we would start fighting again and he would get me into another position that I couldn't move and he would look at me and grin and I came so close to kissing him about five times. But then I didn't. One time I came really close. But then I started laughing. I just suck. Really big monkey balls.

I don't know what to do. I can't just tell him. Tisha says I should just come out and ask him, but say I do and then he ends up feeling all weird and then it ruins our friendship? Am I just being selfish? Does he feel the same way? DOES HE?

And that's the worst part. I don't know if he does or not. I think he does, but I don't know. I don't know.

And that's the common theme for tonight. I just don't know.

Update:

A few things I forgot.

This is the coolest diary I've read in a long time. And I don't even really like cats.

I went to the Souls show and they had Bloodclots in the Mainstream for $12. I only paid $10 at Warped. Suckers. Heh.

My baby is dead. Last night at Jared's, it started crying at like 3:30 in the morning and then, before I could get the key in, it stopped. Now it doesn't do anything, even when I try to make it cry. I think it got Virtual Sudden Infant Death Syndrom a.k.a. VSIDS. Yes, I do.

And now I'm really done.