One month and four days until I'm a legal adult. I can remember being 14 years old and counting down how long it would be until I turned 18 and now here it is, bearing down upon me like a blessing and a curse all at once.

See, after this, no more bullshit. My excuse for bitching my mom out all the time is, "Mom, I'm almost 18, I know what I'm doing." And now she'll be able to hold me to that. I just feel like it is going to be a landmark occasion and nothing will ever be the same, even though intellectually, I know that everything will be the same. Maybe even worse.

Either way, the time has come for me to get another tattoo. I've been itching for it. I think it's the winter. I just hope I don't do this every winter; get the itch for change and then go get a tattoo. I'll run out of body space.

I don't know. Winter is setting in and I feel disconnected and dissatisfied. I'm trying to keep myself occupied by actually doing work, which is surprising everyone, but it's just not working. I still wake up every day feeling the same ever-suffering feeling of dread. I shouldn't feel dread to get up and live my life. No one should.

I'm working on it. I'm trying to keep my mind off things, specifically my lonliness. I'll get by. I always do.