Why do I constantly find the need to screw up my life. It's like, okay, I was lying in bed at five o'clock this morning and I couldn't sleep. Not a surprise, since I hadn't gotten up until three o'clock the previous afternoon, but whatever. Then I kept trying to convince myself that I had to get out of bed. Why do I do that? And... surprise, surprise, I didn't get out of bed.

If I would just stop thinking about it and do it, I wouldn't have nine absences this semester and I would be able to breathe a sigh of relief and not freak out about not passing my classes. But no. Everything's gotta be last second and the hardest route for me. Why is that?

I'm just a stupid kid. That's all. Just a stupid kid. And I need to get all my shit in order and stop being so stupid.

On a bright note, three cheers goes out to my boss, Trish, who went through her closet and found a garbage bag's worth of clothes she didn't wear. Then she gave them to me and now I have four pairs of pants and five shirts that are like new. Who needs a shopping spree when you've got Trish?

That makes me happy, knowing that I've got a week's worth of new clothes to wear. Am I that superficial? Probably. As much as I proclaim to be honest and full of integrity, deep down I'm just a superficial, stupid kid. A superficial, stupid kid who's turning eighteen in a few weeks.

I was talking to Chris and I guess he's already planning on me going down there in February. I asked him what we could do and he said he didn't know. I said, "Yeah, well, I'm sure there are plenty of things for adults to do down there, because I'll be eighteen then." And it hit me. Eighteen-year old kids should not be allowed to do those things. Because I'm going to be an eighteen-year old kid and I'm definitely not ready for the things I'm talking about, which, in some cases unfortunately, I've already done.

The question is, what will happen between Joe and I when I go down there? Will it be a repeat performance? I don't know. I guess it depends on what my life is like in three months. I could definitely see it happening again. Only better this time, because it wouldn't be to get back at Dave. It would be because I'm some horny eighteen-year old kid looking for a piece of ass. And ain't it the truth.

On a totally different note, my sister and Bouncing Souls Joe are teetering on the edge. He's not talking and there's obviously something wrong. He says he feels "weird" that they're going out. I say that's bullshit, because Laura told him the same thing not even a month ago and I can practically recite for him the million reasons he told me it was bullshit.

But in the end, here's the facts. I'm a stupid, fucked up kid and I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. I think I do, I sound like I might know, but at the end of the day, I'm talking out of my ass. So there you go. Never listen to a word I say. The end.