I'm hungry and I want some peanut butter cups.
Tonight is Megan's party. Everyone's going to come.
I just looked up something on the internet that I regret. Some things you just can't let go. At least I can't.
One day, I'll be okay. I'll be completely happy, with no regrets.
I don't understand why I do some things. I don't understand what compells me to reach into my past so much. It's gone and the only thing keeping it alive is my mind.
I feel like listening to some Distillers right now. I think I'm going to play Sing, Sing Death House at Meg's party tonight.
And I'm actually going to get drunk tonight. I don't want to drink anything specific, but I want to be drunk tonight, so I'll find a way.
Maybe I'll go back to Bacardi and Vanilla Coke. Or maybe I'll go another way. Who knows? Either way, I'm going to get drunk tonight. And I won't have to pick someone new to kiss. Because I have the best guy in the world to kiss anytime I want. And now I'm happy again.
It's kind of funny how just thinking about him can make me smile. It makes me feel like it's okay to be me, no matter what mistakes I make.
No one has ever made me feel like that before. No one has wanted to, or had the patience to, or had the capacity to. But he does, and that's why we're together. I make him happy and he makes me happy, and that's what everyone in the world is searching for.
Sorry I got all sappy there for a minute, but for the last half hour, I've been thinking about past mistakes I've made and I needed to think about something in the present that I'm doing right.
I just remembered The Ramona books, by Beverly Cleary. In one, she goes to kidnergarten and on the first day, when she has to say, "Present" to tell the teacher that she's there, she thinks that the teacher means present, like a gift. So she waits all day just to get a gift and then she doesn't. It was kind of sad, because I've made stupid mistakes like that too. And it really makes you feel like an ass.
But that's about it for now. Not much going on. But, in the words of Mike Ness, "That's always been... the story of my life."