All week, I wait for Wednesdays and Thursdays, because I don't have to work on those days. Such prime days to get off, I know, but I deal with it.
So why do I always feel like shit about getting up at 4 in the afternoon and sitting up all night?
I just need a reason to get up in the morning. I need to go to school. I need a REAL job. I need... well, I fucking need something, I just don't know what.
I guess I'm just so bored these days. It's hard to get up early when all you have to look forward to is watching TV all day and having your dog repeated whine at the door and go out 47 times, only to sniff the ground and eat some leaves and maybe some poop when you do let him out. It's not an enthralling existance. And yet, it's my life.
Is that what I want? To be enthralled? I'm sure if I was, I'd just want one day to sit and watch TV. I guess I just need something new. It's hard to converse with the same person every day, only to hear him talk about the same stuff every day. And it's not like I have anything interesting to talk about either. I just wish... okay, this is what I really want.
I want to learn how to play guitar.
I want to sit around a bonfire and play said guitar.
I want to sit there with my few friends and sing songs in crappy voices and not have anyone care that we sound so crappy.
I want to have another moment that I am completely happy. Because they are so few and far between. I'm due for another.
I want to go to school.
I want to get my license, and go for long drives by myself in which I just drive by myself and scream to the radio.
I want to go on drives with Vicki, like we used to. You know, we once purposely got lost 2 1/2 hours away. Actually, we got lost on purpose and ended up 2 1/2 hours away. The length of the trip wasn't intentional.
I want to want to leave the house more often.
I want to write something worthwhile.
I want to go to a party at someone else's house. And not Matt's. Because my house and Matt's house are basically the same thing.
I want to see Dashboard Confessional live and sing and dance like an idiot.
I want to go to Warped Tour and see Rancid and have fun for once in my life.
I want to have the courage to move to California.
I want to get a really cool outfit.
I want to get a really cool jacket for Spring.
I want to feel pretty every day.
I want to be in a movie.
I want to want to get up every day.
I just want everything. Is that asking too much?